What You REALLY Don't Want To Hear

Well, it's been a long time to get to this point. I look back and it still feels and looks unreal to me. As always, I have much to say, so I'll get right to it.

So far I have lost over 40lbs. That's a lot since I wasn't exactly a whale before, or so I thought. I've looked at a bunch of pictures and I was much tubbier than I realized. Sad to say, but true. I don't remember being that fat, but I guess I surely was. Now I am thin.... for me. By other people's standards, I'd be just average, but I have never been this thin, nor worn clothes this small in my entire adult life. So for me, I'm thin.

This has created quite the stir among my friends and family. As you can imagine, I get asked all the time "how did I do it!?" There is only one small problem with that question and the answer is........ YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! That's correct. People ask, but they don't really want to know. They don't want to hear that I'm vegan. That is dismissed as impossible for them. And frankly, one doesn't need to become vegan to lose weight, although if you know what they do to your meat why you would eat it anyway is beyond me, but I digress. So most people dismiss my advice instantaneously once I tell them that I am now a vegan.

To make matters worse, I tell them that I go to the gym for a minimum of an hour and a half five times a week, plus I do HaganaH, (yes capital H at the end), which is Israeli hand to hand fighting three times a week at night. I get up at 5:30 or earlier, am at the gym by 6:30 at the latest and leave at 8:00. Last week I clocked over 15 miles on the treadmill. The week before that I did 20. I lift for thirty minutes and then I do the ski machine, or the treadmill for a minimum of an hour. Most days I go an hour and 15 minutes.

Now here's the sad part. I STILL cannot eat "whatever I want" and I have to watch everything that goes into my mouth. I live on pecans, tofu, black beans, wild rice, quinoa, muesli, almond milk, yes... salad although it takes a lot for me to want to eat one these days, and spelt. I eat about 90% organic, except when I go out and half the time I go to a vegan restaurant. I rarely drink caffeine, and only in tea. I consume NO ARTIFICIAL sweeteners of any kind. I don't eat wheat. I eat only spelt bread or flax seed bread and it has to be the 8 bucks a loaf health food kind that's organic. And then it's only once or twice a week. I eat no dairy of any kind.

For those of you that think that is a pretty restrictive way to live, look at it this way. I am alive! I no longer have major heel pain. (At one time I was up for surgery to lengthen my Achilles Heel as the pain was so bad I needed crutches. Thank you artificial sugar. The minute I stopped consuming diet soda, it went away!) I have tons of energy. More than people half my age. I am the oldest woman in HaganaH, and one of the oldest people in there period. Plus, I am now sparring with people much bigger than myself and keeping up! Mostly men! My skin has improved greatly, although the sagging skin from weight loss is a drag. Honesty here! I rarely get sick, I almost never have a headache or sinus issues that I was plagued with before, and I look pretty darn good. Not to mention my blood sugar is down, way down and I only take a maximum of 10 units a day, down from 120. So not bad.

So..... you didn't really want to hear that, did you?? It's like Dr. Laura says, it's not rocket science. Eat less, move more. And in my case, eat a LOT less and move a LOT more. I have always had the metabolism that would make me the last man standing in a famine! If I were a horse I'd be an easy keeper. And although I would love to eat chocolate and pasta, and bread, and, and, and everyday of my life, it's not worth it. Food has become something I enjoy, but not the end all or be all of my existance. I gotta say that fitting into a size eight is a lot more fun than a candy bar. Not to mention the looks I get when I wear my more form fitting clothes.

So to all those people who ask me, "how did you do it"? Don't ask unless you REALLY want to know. Because frankly, I really don't want to see that blank look on your face and hear all those crappy excuses you come up with on why you can't do it. If I can do it, anyone can. I was the biggest food lover on the planet!!! But there came a time where food started killing me, and I guess I just wanted to live more.

It's true that I have become the "ex smoker". I look around and wonder why more people don't make the effort, especially young people. And I'll tell you this, I was one of those people. Because I had friends who would tell me all about their successes, cause I asked, and I really didn't want to hear it. SO I sympathize.

Any of those of you out there who really want to make a change and would like some encouragement, please feel free to email me at liloredhead@yahoo.com But don't ask, unless you want to hear it!!!

Successes, Struggles, and just plain Shitty

Ok, so I go for the drama, but I've just about had it today. Maybe not a good day to blog, but thought this would make more interesting reading than just.... all is well and perfect with my world writing. Diabetes SUCKS! SO MUCH! I am so so so so so tired of Diabetes, you just have no idea.

On to the story.... well, I've been doing vegan now for about, let's see, three months or so. And three months of raw food before that, for a total of six months life change. I have hardly cheated at all, and when I have it's been planned like Las Vegas buffet, the Carnival Cruise, my birthday, etc. And even then I only had red meat once! ONCE!!!! For me, this is nothing short of a miracle. So why am I whining?? I've lost tons of weight. I can wear most all size 10's, the smallest I have been in my entire life. I can wear a lot of 8's. Unbelievable! The ta tas will still not let me wear much less than a 12 on top, but who's complaining. Thankfully, I still have boobs. So what's the frickin problem, you ask?? BLOOD SUGAR!

My blood sugar is making me nuts. I cannot, and I repeat, I cannot eat ONE TINY LITTLE SINGLE THING that isn't perfect, or.... you guessed it... HIGH FRICKIN BLOOD SUGAR! And to top it off, I have had two bad spells with low blood sugar from taking too much insulin in the last three days. I mean, diabetic coma bad. I'm talking, almost passing out, incoherent, thank GOD for my daughter, low blood sugar. What the hell? There is no formula for carbs eaten, calories burned, exercise done, quantity eaten, etc., that will give me a formula to follow regarding insulin delivery. I am always, always screwing it up. Either too high or too low. And the American Diabetes Assoc. is a joke! If I followed their advice, I'd be dead for sure.

On top of that, I'm here to tell you the doctors are liars! They swore up and down that if I lost weight and exercised my blood sugar would improve. BULLSHIT I say. I've lost a small child, I work out at the gym for an hour and a half FIVE DAYS A WEEK, AND then I do Haganah, (Israeli hand to hand combat), three times a week. COME ON! What more could I do? I avoid sugar, bread, all dairy, red meat, chicken, turkey, pork, no wheat! GOOD GOD! What else is there? And it became evident that I could not sustain raw food forever. Vegan I can do no problem. In fact, I highly recommend watching Eating (http://www.amazon.com/Eating-3rd-Mike-Anderson/dp/B001CRQ8K6), and the other excellent documentary Food, Inc. That way, even if you don't want to be vegan, you can at least know what they do to your food.

So the short of it is this. If I eat vegan, which I have been able to maintain, I only need about 10-20 units per day. Much better than 120. But even then, I have to very much limit my intake and be super careful not to eat things that I know raise my blood sugar even though they are vegan. I have to work out like a scalded bat from hell. I do feel that 8 times a week should be enough. I have to watch every single thing I put in my mouth and even then, I screw up and end up practically putting myself into a diabetic coma by giving myself too much insulin, or not giving myself enough insulin and having too high blood sugar. IS there NO MIDDLE GROUND?

I know this is a terribly whiny blog, but I just am really enjoying my pity party. I did this mostly to myself, so I'm willing to face the consequences of my earlier life's actions. Or lack of action. But damn, is there no break here? That's where the shitty part comes in. I'm doing everything, everything right, and even though I have greatly reduced my insulin need, AND lost tons of weight, am an exercise machine and super toned and muscular, wear the smallest clothes I have ever worn in my ENTIRE LIFE, I STILL, still have to take bloody insulin. And that to me, is just SHIT!

Almost three months

I'm done counting the days. Frankly I lost count! But I know it's been awhile. There's lots to tell. Read on.

Bill and I went on a cruise with my sister and her husband and that became and interesting experience for my food adventure. While the cruise was just ok, the exercise in self control taught me a lot about myself and food. I told myself that I would have anything I wanted on one night, and that for my birthday I could indulge. So out of eight days, I basically said that I could splurge twice. And I almost made that.

I must admit that I did have alcohol three times, and I did have some chocolate covered strawberries more than twice, but hell, I really think that's pretty amazing considering all the food and alcohol around me. Thankfully there was a lot of great salad stuff and an Indian bar that served hummus and lentil chips and that pretty much saved my bacon. Plus, there is nothing like looking around and seeing 300 pound 20 year olds in bikinis with their belly button pierced to motivate one to stay true to themselves.

Amazingly enough, the night that I splurged taught me the most. Eating whatever I want has now become something that my body cannot tolerate. I had steak, I had bread, I had a few drinks, I had desert, and then I had a bucket in front of my face while I puked for the rest of the night. SO NOT FUN! The combination was just way too much and I spent most of the night on the deck paying for it. That really sends a clear message to me and has made it even easier to avoid the things I should avoid.

A few notes on the cruise.... If you enjoy being around polluted people that are so overweight that they need scooters to get around, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you enjoy seeing 300 pounders stuffing themselves at every single opportunity, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you are inclined to lay around and do absolutely nothing, because there is nothing to do, you will love cruising. If third world countries that are so dangerous that your life is at risk and the police need to escort you back to the boat, you will LOVE a Carnival Cruise. I can't say that I did. Don't get me wrong, I had fun with Bill and my sister and her husband and that was AWESOME! But the cruise itself gets a 6. Bill gets a 9 .5!

So what are the numbers you ask.....

Sadly, they are not that great. I have been eating more vegan and less raw and it shows. I seriously cannot deviate from raw at all, and very restricted raw at that, if I want anywhere near normal blood sugar levels. Yes, they are much improved, and I only need insulin a few times a week, but they are far from normal. I fear if I don't want to eat raw forever, which I can assure you I don't, then I am stuck with insulin and vegan. I also want to add that I have given up sugar, caffeine, dairy, wheat, and rice. No bread, no pasta, no rice. Plus, consume no alcohol except on very special occasions like my birthday and the cruise, for example. Add to that working out about 3 miles a day on the treadmill with an 8 percent incline, 45 minutes of weight lifting, FIVE TIMES A WEEK, plus my usual gardening, riding, etc., and that's a lot of sacrifice. Even with all that..... I have not achieved normal blood sugar without insulin.

I have to admit I feel a bit discouraged. The thing that has kept my chin up is that I bought another size 10 shorts the other day. Although they are surely tight, I can fit into any normal size 12 bottom. (I fear the top of me will always be a large. Thank GOD FOR BOOBS! SO no worries there.) I am fit, tanned, and can out energy almost anyone I know. I feel fine and have lost many of the annoying health issues I had before. No more pain in the joints, no more sleepless nights, no more headaches, or bowel issues. So that is all good. Now if only the diabetes would notice my huge efforts. Sigh. I remain, a vegan, a raw foodie most of the time, and most certainly healthy as this diabetic can be.....

Guess..............

The good, the bad, and the ugly

I do not think that I could be more disgusted right this very second. It is now day 53 and although I am much thinner, my blood sugar is not so great. I admit that I have been eating less raw and more vegan, a person has to live, and that is obviously not going to happen if I want to be permanently off insulin. Slowly but surely I have been experimenting with new food. I have not eaten any meat, dairy or grain, with the exception of Dawn and I going out to a vegan restaurant in Phoenix. There I had brown rice and vegan carrot cake. But I have had some vegan food here and there. After all, I figured that as long as it does not raise my blood sugar, what's the problem.

The good.........I am much thinner. I look pretty damn good and I can't wear hardly anything in my closet. Very exciting. It's great to look in the mirror and that feels great. Plus, I consume no caffeine and I take very little insulin, no drugs, and basically have abstained from alcohol for 52 of the 53 days. (It was my anniversary after all!) So that part is good to go. I feel good, my attitude is good. Life is good.

The bad.........There is very little variation allowed in my diet. I can eat the vegan chili at the Lovin Spoonfuls in Tucson. THANK GOD FOR THAT!! I can have eggs, even though I don't want them, and they don't raise my blood sugar, and I can have grapefruit, blackberries, and blueberries in small quantities. BUT I cannot have much of anything else that isn't raw vegetables and those few fruits. For example, I can have about four strawberries, and that's it. I cannot have brown rice, even though it's low on the glycemic index. I cannot have any raw food snacks that contain figs, raisins, bananas or anything of that order. I cannot have raw, that's right, raw granola with almond milk even though almonds and granola are "allowed" on the raw food diet. I am exercising at least an hour and a half 5 days a week with little exception and it hasn't lowered my blood sugar one bit. Plus, I lost a bunch of weight, and contrary to my doctor's opinions, it hasn't helped me a bit in the blood sugar department.

The ugly.......During this experimentation phase I have worked hard at being a human guinea pig and trying things to see what can be tolerated. Therefore I have had to take insulin here and there to keep my blood sugar lower when I try something that doesn't fly. IT beats taking it six times a day, but it sucks because I can tell you right now I do not want to eat raw forever. I surely do not. Nor do I want to take insulin every single day of my frickin' life either. ARGH! So tonight, not knowing how things would be, I bought some gluten free bread and thought I'd give it a try. The squares of bread couldn't be 4 inches square, more like 3 1/2 and I had some soy turkey with a salad with oil and vinegar. Well, the blood sugar was off the chart. SO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!!!! UGH! Talk about defeating. That is the single most debilitating feeling when you work so damn hard and have blood sugar in the 300's.

So this pity party is this......I am going to have to eat only raw, only raw if I want to not take insulin. This does not seem like a permanent option to me. I never have any inclination to go back to meat or dairy, etc., nor do I want to eat sugar or caffeine or any of the other things that I used to suck down. I just would be happy being a vegan for cripes sake. And that's a vegan with no grains. NO WHEAT!!!!!!!!! NO pasta, no rice, no bread...... so what the hell? I'm eating the best I ever have in my entire life. In 53 days I have cheated 2 times. Once I ate vegan and once I had a few drinks for my anniversary. Come on, that's pretty damn good. AND still my body betrays me...............................I am crestfallen. DO not worry. I have no intention of stopping, but I must seriously consider that there may be insulin in my life if I want to eat anything besides raw food. For the rest of my life. And that is a heavy burden to me. Please, if you have comments, suggestions, thoughts. Throw me a bone. I need the help.

I do not know what is for dinner........you guess.

Day 38 and fruit comes into my life!!!!!

Singing!! I am singing! Fruit! Thank GOD! I am eating fruit! Hold on to your seats, yes, it's true, I actually ate blueberries and blackberries and my blood sugar was under 120!! Yessirreeey. That's what I'm talking about.

So I went to the Earth Day Celebration at the Farmer's Market on Saturday and there they were. Blue, round, beautiful and delicious blueberries. Could I chance it? What would happen? Would I blow it all on some delightfully sinful blue delectables?? Worth the risk, I thought. Grabbing the berries and paying an astronomical price, I stuffed them into my bag and prayed I wasn't making a huge mistake.

As I ate almost the entire box of them, I patiently waited the two hours to see what the results would be and beat the band, NORMAL BLOOD SUGAR!!! YES! Talk about thrilling. Then I went to Sybelle's party and, God forbid, ate blackberries. Again, as soon as I got home I got out the blood monitor and........119! Can it be? Can it possibly be that I my blood sugar is normalizing?

When I began this the raw food adventure, I guess I never really realized how much I would have to focus on myself. All this exercising, all this testing, all the worry over what I eat, all the reading and certainly, up until now I have been completely and totally unaccustomed to thinking about myself and my health with this kind of intensity. I do hope that I will not have to continue on in this manner forever and that there will come a time when I am able to be more relaxed and natural about food. But it has been an adventure, that's for sure.

On another note, I ate my first hot food in 36 days the other day in Tucson. As you can imagine, I've pretty much had it with eating only raw/cold food. Chloe and I went to a vegan restaurant and I broke down and had vegan chili. Now for those of you wagging your finger, that isn't cheating. The definition of a raw food diet is 80% raw. So obviously with this being the first hot thing I'd eaten in 36 days, I think I have filled the 80% quota. You have absolutely no idea how wonderful that tasted. I am planning on having something hot/cooked about once a week now and see how that goes. In my food bible, once I have stable blood sugar, I can have some hot food as long as it is vegan. I live for it.

Well that's all the news that's fit to print. Wish it were more exciting. But if you are into the adventures of a wild red headed woman and her path to self healing, I guess this makes for ok reading. Until next time...........

Guess what's for dinner? (Now you don't know, because I can have fruit! YEA HAW!)

Day 29..........

I continue on! Yes, I made the Day 21 and made it off insulin. The bad news being that I had to go back on insulin, only 8 units, for about another week until again, I am completely off. You can't beat that with a stick, huh?? I ended up eating that heavenly grapefruit, and it was heaven, and my blood sugar went way up. But I ate other stuff with it, so I ended up eating the other half the other day, and guess what?!? Nothing! No bad reactions. I was so impressed!

Now I have gone down a full dress size, so that's pretty neat, and I can wear all my skinny clothes. (Honestly, I don't have that many skinny clothes, but the few I have kept for a long, long, long time all fit! Hee, hee!) Not that I am anywhere near skinny, but at least I am down some and it feels great to have that reward.

Being brave enough to have grapefruit, I feel like in the next week or so I will branch out to berries. I dearly love them, and with the grapefruit success, I think I will be fine. For the party tonight, THANK YOU MARTHA, I found a fabulous salad I am bringing and no one will be the wiser. Mango, pear, cucumber, and radish salad dressed with lime juice and agave nectar. Really excellent. No one will have a clue that it's vegan raw, and I will have something wonderful to eat! Unfortunately, I am pretty boring with food, although I did find a recipe for mushroom burgers, raw of course, and they were totally delicious. Dr. Cousens doesn't like mushrooms, buy hey, I can't be perfect. And they do not raise blood sugar. I have to live a little, don't you think?

Most days I eat a lot of tomatoes and not near enough greens. I have found them to be almost repulsive. My garden is thriving, so soon I will have super fresh lettuce and that ought to help me quite a bit. Thank GOD for the juicer as I put a bunch of greens in the juicer, along with the tomatoes, and make a fabulous homemade V-8. Love it. Looks awful. Tastes divine. I love V-8 anyway, so it's an easy one for me to drink down.

So I'm going to a party tonight and would love a glass of wine, but I am going to abstain as I feel it is too early in the game to be heading in that direction. I've done so well.......

Here are the numbers.......waking in the 150's. Still too high, but hell, no insulin, so no complaining. I've had after meal numbers from 119 to 160. All under 180 which seems to be the magic number for diabetics. Next goal is to get the morning down to 100 or under, and the afters consistently under 120. My doctor is going to shit when I tell him I'm taking nothing and have these numbers. It really does feel like an accomplishment. I know he'll never say I'm cured, but if I can keep this up for a year or so, maybe I'll never have to ever take anything again and just control it through diet. That is the goal.......

So on I go...... continuing forward......

Guess what's for dinner?

Day 22.... Now what?

More of the same. That's what! Nothing exciting, but some time this weekend I am going to have a grapefruit. I live for it. I will pick a time that my blood sugar is "normal" and see what the effect is. If it encourages me to have high blood sugar then obviously I won't be doing that again. But I am going to try it. I had hummus the other day and that didn't seem to hurt me. It's "allowed" but I had not ventured into the hummus world for fear I would goof things up.

I have discovered I am not a huge green fan. I like lettuce and spinach fine, but that's about it. I need to branch out. I have pulled out lots of raw food recipes and made a bunch of stuff, but it's not all that different tasting since it's all pretty much the sos. No complaints, but I need some different tastes, and fruit can be a life saver for me right now.

Having little to say, I'll make this one short and I'll check back in with more interesting comment. I am somewhat in a coma right now, it's early, and my brain is toast. TOAST? Did someone say toast?? Sigh.............

Guess what's for breakfast?

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!

Tomorrow is day 21. Can you believe it?? I haven't cheated even one time and really, it hasn't been that bad. Blood sugar is way, way, way down, but I did have to add 8 units of the long acting. Seems after every little bit of insulin was out of me, my body kinda went crazy. But that's ok. Better than the 60 I was taking. So now I am weaning down again to see how it goes.

Went to Tucson to one of my favorite restaurants, even when I did eat meat I loved going to the Lovin Spoonfuls. It's a great vegan restaurant. LOVE IT! The kids went with me and were less than impressed, but hey, they are kids. I got to eat hummus for the first time in a month. I snuck in my own crackers, shhhh don't tell, and didn't eat the pita bread, and that hummus couldn't have been more divine if it was chocolate. Ahhhhhh. Loved it. And with that I had a big bowl of..................you guessed it! Salad.

Now I am experiencing a strange phenomenon. I am not loving salad. In fact, I am a bit repulsed by it. Hopefully that will not last. Tonight I decided to branch out more because my dehydrator came, thank you GOD!!! And I am making "neat balls". They aren't bad. Taste nothing like meat, but they are pretty good. Plus, since I got my dehydrator, I am going to attempt potato chips. Sounds good. I'll use sweet potato chips so that ought to be a new taste sensation.

So I read and re-read my book, and unfortunately, I do not believe I will be able to have fruit with any regularity for about 3 months. Sigh. BUT I am going to have one grapefruit this weekend. Yep. I am. Get over it! I don't want to cheat, cheat, so I'm going to have just one grapefruit. Being a low glycemic fruit, it ought not to bother me too bad, so I'm gonna do it. Think of it as preventative medicine to keep me on the straight and narrow. Better than chocolate or wine or God forbid, steak, right!!?!

So here are the numbers. Still hanging in the 150's in the a.m. sigh. and still hanging in the 150's after a meal. BUT I did get into the 140's a few times after meal and that's exciting. I continue to work out 4-5 times a week. Hard. Sweating hard. So Bill says I'm looking good. AND I even went to the gym when I was the only one going. No Bill, no workout buddy, (that means you, Dawn : ) and no curly haired son. Just me! So I guess a little pat on the back is deserved.

Anyway, there it is. OH, and I almost forgot. My neighbor saw my facebook and made a point of calling me to tell me how proud she was of me. Considering she thinks my husband is the anti-christ, I think that was pretty special.

Guess what's for .............breakfast!?

I can see clearly now the pain is gone...........

Yep, you heard it here! I am off insulin completely. 16 days and I did it!!!!! My blood sugar isn't perfect in the morning, but hell, it's 100+ points down from where it used to be and that's with zero insulin instead of 60 units of long acting. So frankly, I'm not about to take insulin just to bring it down more. With time I do believe that I will be able to get my fasting blood sugar down to under 100. Right now I'm at about 150, but hell, it used to be 250 or more. So.............I'm good with that!
; )

So now what? I'm a little nervous as this is all so new and I'm still worried I'll "fall off the wagon". Plus, the cruise is looming. Ahhhh, the cruise! Any thoughts on that would be welcome. I'm thinking that I'll pick one day, or one night that I eat whatever I want to eat and enjoy that and then go back to veggies and fruit. I understand that they have wonderful fruit and a terrific salad bar. The real challenge is alcohol! What is a cruise without alcohol?!? To go eight days and not drink, well I'm strong, but I don't think I am that strong. I'm not a big drinker, but on a Friday or Sat. night, I want to partay. And they have a disco!!!! So you know where I'll be. My only hope is that I will have lost enough weight and done this for 2 1/2 months, that my blood sugar will be stable enough to handle it. They also have a work out room and do aerobics and such. So I'll be in there.
Advice? Comments? Please! I need thoughts on this.

I knew I could do the 21 day thing. I only have 5 days left. Cake walk. But soon I'll be faced with some hard decisions. I desperately want to have fruit and if all goes well at the end of the 21 days I'll be well enough to have low glycemic fruits. But I have always been the Lays potato chip girl in the past. So that makes me nervous. (You know, one thing leads to another and you just can't eat one!)

So ...............the numbers and the results.

With no insulin I am running a bit high, nothing like before, but I'm in the 160's after meals. That is really not an issue at all. And still around the 150's in the a.m. I have gone down in weight. I continue to work out 4-5 days a week. I feel fine as long as I eat all the dang time. Seriously, I must eat all the time or I get a headache, which sucks. (By the way, Connor is cooking bacon and pancakes right now, God help me!)

I have no more heel pain. I do not ache anymore. I can actually see better. Which is a really neat benefit. Many times I can read the small print without my glasses. That remains one of the cooler side effects. Glasses are the enemy!

My energy level is great. Sleeping going well. Over all, no complaints. And missing the stuff I "can't have" is not a big deal most of the time. At least it seems that I am doing better not pining for stuff that makes me diabetic.

So............no more injections. No more meds. No more pain.....what's not to love??

I remain a vegan..............a raw foodie................and now that I have my juicer, I am a juicer as well. Dehydrator is on the way..... guess what's for dinner?

Day 12 and almost 2/3 through the initial phase

Sounds like a college course or something, doesn't it?!? Well.........here's the deal. I am on day 12 and I'm still here and still doing it, and the best news is I haven't cheated even once. I've been to a party and out to dinner twice and didn't eat one wrong thing!

The party we went to was a real challenge. They served my favorite New Orleans brisket! Cooked all night in a special sauce and you have never tasted such wonderful meat. But I had tasted it before, so I knew what it was like, so I didn't touch it. Then some guy comes over with medium rare tri tip steak. That was hard to pass up. Not to mention everyone was drinking, etc. So I brought a bag of the ever exciting peppers and carrots and olives and such, sucked down tons of herbal teat, and didn't miss a beat. That made for a huge challenge, especially missing out on the wine. But I did it.

When we went out to dinner, Bill chose the restaurant and he picked Texas Roadhouse of all placed. If you really want to tempt a person on an all raw veggie adventure, go there!! I could have died! For your info, there is not one decent salad in the place. All stupid iceberg. Cheapest meal Bill and I ever had together. He loved it, I did not! (Is it me, or was that just a little bit cruel?? Sort of a test!! Well, screw you meat eater! I did it. I'm strong, so there! ; )

The better news is that I have a juicer on the way. I am also ordering a food processor and a dehydrator which will improve my life greatly!!! You would be amazed at what I can make with those handy items. The cost of this adventure is super high, but I guess I'm worth it. (I always thought I was, but you'll have to ask Bill. He pays the bills. Depends on the day, I bet!!!) I FINALLY got my Ebay dvd I ordered on how to make more interesting foods. THANK GOD!!!! The dvd sucks, but it did give me a lot of new ideas. This woman yacks and giggles and is a super space cadet, but thankfully there are recipes in there with all the b.s., so I finally got some decent ideas in between all her crap. She made some killer deserts all raw, no sugar, nothing but fruit and nuts. I cannot wait to be able to have fruit. I will never be so happy to eat a strawberry in my entire life!!!!!!

I bought a bunch of seeds for the garden. Glad I don't depend on myself to feed myself from the garden, but I am sure I can surely supplement that HUGE Farmer's Market bill I've got going every Thursday. Good thing I can grow dirt.

Now...........what you have all been waiting for. The numbers.

I'm down in weight, but I don't want to say how much since that could jinx my brain. Let's just say I fit well into my clothes.

I am using only......................only 13 units of insulin at night. That's IT! Down from 60. Plus..........................................................wait for it.........................

I had 123 blood sugar this morning!!! WHOO HOO!!! And, I'm managing a very NON diabetic 153 ish during the day. WITH NO INSULIN AT ALL~ Down from 60-80 units!

The report on physical well being is mixed. I have tons of energy. Of course, if you know me that has never been a problem. The weird thing is, I don't want to eat. Yep, you heard it here. I don't want to eat. I have to really think about eating and force myself to eat. It's not that I don't like the stuff I am eating, I just don't want to eat. Weird, huh? Plus, I find that I am more airheaded than usual. Stop laughing your ass off. Yes, I know. How could that possibly be? But it is. I am a total space cadet. Kinda scary, actually. Don't know why that is happening. Maybe living without coffee has messed up my brain.

So there it is. That's all the news that's fit to print as my friend, Marrion, would say. That's all there is and there ain't no more. (Dad's version.)

Guess what's for dinner?

Eight days, and the first week is complete

Well, I made it. One whole week. I also got my new book that I ordered on how to prepare raw food more interestingly, cause I can sure tell ya that salads are getting very old. I found an entire raw food isle at Whole Foods in Tucson and had fun purchasing stuff there. And you thought your groceries were spendy. Good GOD! I am going to have to learn to make as much of this stuff as I can 'cause the prepackaged raw is really, really expensive.

Basically, the raw food adventure hasn't been that bad. Not too hard at all.

But this last week has been challenging personally. Keegan fell off the roof of the playground equipment and broke off two teeth. Not broken off like you would think. Split like a peeling fingernail, or more like you would peel bark off a tree. All the way up into the gum line so the poor guy had to spend 5 hours in the dentist office over two days, and then we are still not done. The price tag is outrageous. Unbelievable, really. I think 1500 for an hour and a half for two root canals is pretty damn good money. Not to mention, the other dentist's costs. Sigh.

Another challenge was going on a hike Friday. I wasn't sure that I would be able to keep up with everyone else just living on veggies. But I did and everything went along fine as it just wasn't that hard of a hike.

Then this morning I suddenly felt entirely depressed. Just out of the blue. Plus, Bill was not helping things as he's been snippy and sarcastic today and I don't know why. (Big surprise there.) And that I have found is the biggest challenge of all. Not the day to day eating. As long as I am happy and things are going along well, I am doing fine. But the minute I become depressed, WOW!! I could open up a bag of chocolate with a glass of wine and chow down. That becomes my biggest challenge. Not eating the wrong things when depressed. I must figure out a good solution to feeling down and staying on the raw food adventure. So far, I have been amazingly perfect. Not one mishap. So if you have suggestions on how to deal with being unhappy and not reaching for the wine or the chocolate, I'm all ears.

OK, enough whining. Here are the numbers.

No short acting insulin.
Down to 1/3 of what I used to take with long acting insulin. Only took 16 units last night. I'm weaning myself off of it little by little. AND i have on average 150's in the morning. Still too high, but better than 250 WITH 60 units of insulin. Plus, I am down to the 150's after meals. A very satisfying first week Practically instant results.

I remain a vegan............................guess what's for dinner?

Day Five DONE and heading to a week

Today I felt great. A little too great, actually. This raw food diet seems to be making me a little more hyper than usual. Very strange. At first I was exhausted and felt awful, now on day five I feel great and am the energizer bunny. Like I need more!

I again forgot to eat. This remains the most unusual side effect. I meant to eat, and just got busy doing stuff and completely forgot. Who is this person?? It cannot be me. I have never forgotten to eat a day in my life!

On another note, I got brave and decided I could just use the over to dehydrate stuff so I could have some "crackers". It's taking forever. The "crackers" turn out to be flax seeds soaked with salt and spices added in and put in the oven. They have been in there on 145, the hottest allowed as not to kill the enzymes, for about 10 hours now. The edges have become crispy and I tasty it and it's actually delightful. THAT MEANS SALSA TIME!!!! I love salsa and guacamole and hummus and now I can have "cracker" to dip it in. Love it!

Now I know you are waiting with baited breath for the blood sugar report. I got down to 145 today!! And two hours after a meal have been consistently below 180..... I am taking no short acting insulin, and only 22 units long acting per day. I believe if things keep going this way, I'll be able to be off the long acting insulin in a week or so. That would be the best thing in the whole world for me.

I continue to work out five days a week for an hour and a half. Lifting weights and doing the treadmill and the ski machine. So I am doing everything there is to do that I know how. And best yet, I haven't even cheated once. Not one little bite. Not one drink of the wrong thing. I have eaten only raw veggies, raw nuts and seeds, herbal tea, stevia and water for five whole days!

My challenge for today was Bill bought chicken, the cooked fried chicken at the deli, and put it in the car with me. The car filled up with the aroma of cooked chicken. The smell.............wow. Panicking just a bit, I thought maybe I would not be able to stand it, but I drove home with a bunch of fried chicken in my car and lived to tell the tale. Whew!

So almost a week!!! Guess what's for dinner?

Day Four Looms

Feeling much better now. THANK GOD!!!! Dawn and I worked out this morning as we usually do, and I thought I was going to DIE! But I just kept on going and slowly but surely began to feel better. It was probably the toughest workout I've had in forever. Kinda embarrassing considering I've been doing it for months and months and months. Felt like I was just starting over. But we did it. Dawn's a huge inspiration. It didn't hurt anything that we went in to the Garden of Guts room, aka. the ab workout room, and got to do abs with Robert! Robert is training for a local body building competition, is a complete hotty, and likes to show off his most wonderful body. This gives me a lot of inspiration! : )

Today I had, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.........................salad! Although I did get a little creative and made my own salad dressings. So that was cool. Never knew a cucumber and olive oil with some spices could be whipped up into a creamy and delicious dressing AND be totally good for me! That was cool. So what was in that oh so wonderful salad, you ask?? Yellow peppers, kale, cabbage, lettuce, cauliflower, broccoli, cucumber, lemon, and an avocado. Which I love. So are you jealous yet?? Bet you aren't.

Now for the not so great news. I took half the insulin I usually take and as the day went by I had up and down and up and down all day long. One time it was 280, really bad, then later it was 180. Not bad for after eating. So it's been a mixed bag. At least the headache is gone and I feel semi normal. Although I still think I must be somewhat light headed as I feel disorganized. But Connor's room got a good cleaning! It's amazing what you can get accomplished when you aren't eating!

Day Four Looms...............what's for breakfast???

Day One...............I feel like

SHEEYAT! This blog is not family friendly, just a warning to you. Thank God for Dawn, as we went out to the mall and toodled around town for the day and it pretty much kept me busy or I would have been in bed the whole day. I guess the transition is a HUGE shock to the ole system and I have the worst headache known to man. Not to mention I am about half high out of my head. Can't think too straight. The good news is, I made it through day one. And the amazing part is this....

day one waking blood sugar 256 (traditional with me, very high, doctor would shit! Took 50 units of long acting insulin last night.)

two hours after breakfast on day one150 (a miracle and perfectly normal for a non diabetic, of course you could hardly call what I ate breakfast! Can't wait to be able to have some rice or beans or soup or something that you could vaguely call breakfast. Fruit maybe!!?!)

Later in the day I took it again and it was 140, the lowest it's been WITH INSULIN, not to mention I DID NOT TAKE ANY SHORT ACTING INSULIN AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! NONE ZERO ZIPPO! Not one unit all day long!

Unbelievable. Now the neat thing is I was out all day and did the right thing, THEN went to dinner with Bill and friends and had only a salad. I concentrated on enjoying their company, in between the throbbing of my head. Going without caffeine for two days might be contributing to this headache, but I weaned myself off coffee by Thursday, so not sure about that. And when I got home, my son's girlfriend had sent me a bouquet of flowers, without my son's knowledge!!! What a sweetheart. I was bragging to Bill about my son and his girlfriend, called to thank them, and Kyle knew nothing about it! Poor guy. He went from hero to ordinary in two seconds!

So I wake up on Sunday morning, take my blood sugar and it's 186. 50 points less than my usual AND I took half my long lasting insulin last night. I was afraid to take the regular amount since things were going so well.

Here's the part that makes me sad. I am definitely mourning right now. Not for the food I will miss, but for the life I could have had years ago if I'd just known, or looked harder at the situation. I mourn for the people who are dying from diabetes, who are stuck with stupid doctors and the drug companies that are killing them little by little. And all they have to do is eat vegetables???? A crime against the American people is being committed. The sadness overwhelms me.

I begin day two with hopes that I can get rid of this horrible headache, and hopefully in a day or so start to feel a bit better. I am sure the toxins and the adjustment is an enormous change for my body. It's funny, my mind is doing well with the transition as far as not obsessing over food, but my body is revolting!

Until next time...........................I remain raw.

Revelations of the food mind

I love this quote....For it is dangerous to attach oneself to the crown in front, and so long as each one of us is more willing to trust another than to judge for himself, we never show any judgment in the manner of living, but always a blind trust, and a mistake that has passed on from hand to hand finally involves us and works our destruction. It is the example of other people that is our undoing; let us merely separate ourselves from the crowd, and we shall be made whole. Lucius Seneca

And that is the way that I will have to go to manage this new life. I contemplate all the things that are going to be so different. I ask myself, what will I eat when I go to dinner with friends? Will I manage to avoid alcohol, bread, desert?! What the hell will I order? Will it be depressing to not be able to go but to a few restaurants? How will I feel making dinner for the family with lots of meat and dairy, knowing that I shouldn't eat that stuff ever again?

There is no moderation here if I want to cure this awful scourge. There is no, it's ok, only a little won't hurt you. Because it already has!! I assume after a good long time I could have some wine or such. I could manage to eat a bit of dairy here and there, but I fear that will just take me down the slippery slope to the same place I am now. The consequences of not succeeding stay in the back of my mind.

For me, it's black or white. There is not moderation, there is no just a little won't hurt me, it's do it or die. Period. My biggest fear is that the only person I have to rely on is myself!!!! Yikes!

Only a few more days left to the new me and hopefully this blog will be more positive. The fear of the unknown is always worse than the reality! Until next time........................L

Sunday and the hour is near

Well, as I sit and drink my coffee WITH LOTS OF CREAM, I think to myself, "Man, I am going to miss coffee, and surely the cream!" Then I think what the coffee does to my bladder everyday and I surely won't miss going to the bathroom all morning. So one can just take a negative and turn it around! And I think I will have to do that a lot come this weekend. Plus, after reading my book and finding out what is allowed in my cream, I have to not think about it to drink it. If you want to know what the FDA allows in milk and dairy products, look it up on google. I won't post it here just in case my friend Dawn reads this, as she loves milk and I don't want to spoil it for her. But you'll find it most disgusting. Another interesting fact about milk is that milk is the number one allergen causing food there is. Since we lose our ability to break down lactose at two years old, our bodies produce antibodies to dairy when we consume it, therefore our body is always under attack when ingesting milk/dairy, therefore causing inflammation and allergies. Interesting! If you think about it, it makes no sense for a grown anything to drink any milk at all. Even horses know to wean their babies at about one. So think about that one..................

I'm off to the day, my mind busily pondering what my life will feel like a few weeks from now.

Next Saturday

Next Saturday I am going to embark on an adventure that I never thought I could manage, nor would even attempt. I am going to go on a raw food adventure. I say adventure, because I have no intention of stopping it. The word diet always implies something that you have to do "for a time", and therefore isn't necessarily a permanent change. You hear people say, "When I get off this diet, I'm going to............." whatever it is, but it isn't staying on the diet. I need an adventure! I love exploring new things, and that is what I'm considering this new life! An exploration!

I am nervous. I am scared shitless! But I am going to do this because I am determined and I want to live. I want to live so badly, that I am willing to change my entire life built around gourmet cooking and eating so that I might be able to have a full and healthy life and not become beaten and debilitated by my enemy, diabetes!! Join me and read about my successes and failures, thoughts and feelings, and certainly what will ultimately be quite the adventure.