Almost three months

I'm done counting the days. Frankly I lost count! But I know it's been awhile. There's lots to tell. Read on.

Bill and I went on a cruise with my sister and her husband and that became and interesting experience for my food adventure. While the cruise was just ok, the exercise in self control taught me a lot about myself and food. I told myself that I would have anything I wanted on one night, and that for my birthday I could indulge. So out of eight days, I basically said that I could splurge twice. And I almost made that.

I must admit that I did have alcohol three times, and I did have some chocolate covered strawberries more than twice, but hell, I really think that's pretty amazing considering all the food and alcohol around me. Thankfully there was a lot of great salad stuff and an Indian bar that served hummus and lentil chips and that pretty much saved my bacon. Plus, there is nothing like looking around and seeing 300 pound 20 year olds in bikinis with their belly button pierced to motivate one to stay true to themselves.

Amazingly enough, the night that I splurged taught me the most. Eating whatever I want has now become something that my body cannot tolerate. I had steak, I had bread, I had a few drinks, I had desert, and then I had a bucket in front of my face while I puked for the rest of the night. SO NOT FUN! The combination was just way too much and I spent most of the night on the deck paying for it. That really sends a clear message to me and has made it even easier to avoid the things I should avoid.

A few notes on the cruise.... If you enjoy being around polluted people that are so overweight that they need scooters to get around, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you enjoy seeing 300 pounders stuffing themselves at every single opportunity, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you are inclined to lay around and do absolutely nothing, because there is nothing to do, you will love cruising. If third world countries that are so dangerous that your life is at risk and the police need to escort you back to the boat, you will LOVE a Carnival Cruise. I can't say that I did. Don't get me wrong, I had fun with Bill and my sister and her husband and that was AWESOME! But the cruise itself gets a 6. Bill gets a 9 .5!

So what are the numbers you ask.....

Sadly, they are not that great. I have been eating more vegan and less raw and it shows. I seriously cannot deviate from raw at all, and very restricted raw at that, if I want anywhere near normal blood sugar levels. Yes, they are much improved, and I only need insulin a few times a week, but they are far from normal. I fear if I don't want to eat raw forever, which I can assure you I don't, then I am stuck with insulin and vegan. I also want to add that I have given up sugar, caffeine, dairy, wheat, and rice. No bread, no pasta, no rice. Plus, consume no alcohol except on very special occasions like my birthday and the cruise, for example. Add to that working out about 3 miles a day on the treadmill with an 8 percent incline, 45 minutes of weight lifting, FIVE TIMES A WEEK, plus my usual gardening, riding, etc., and that's a lot of sacrifice. Even with all that..... I have not achieved normal blood sugar without insulin.

I have to admit I feel a bit discouraged. The thing that has kept my chin up is that I bought another size 10 shorts the other day. Although they are surely tight, I can fit into any normal size 12 bottom. (I fear the top of me will always be a large. Thank GOD FOR BOOBS! SO no worries there.) I am fit, tanned, and can out energy almost anyone I know. I feel fine and have lost many of the annoying health issues I had before. No more pain in the joints, no more sleepless nights, no more headaches, or bowel issues. So that is all good. Now if only the diabetes would notice my huge efforts. Sigh. I remain, a vegan, a raw foodie most of the time, and most certainly healthy as this diabetic can be.....

Guess..............

The good, the bad, and the ugly

I do not think that I could be more disgusted right this very second. It is now day 53 and although I am much thinner, my blood sugar is not so great. I admit that I have been eating less raw and more vegan, a person has to live, and that is obviously not going to happen if I want to be permanently off insulin. Slowly but surely I have been experimenting with new food. I have not eaten any meat, dairy or grain, with the exception of Dawn and I going out to a vegan restaurant in Phoenix. There I had brown rice and vegan carrot cake. But I have had some vegan food here and there. After all, I figured that as long as it does not raise my blood sugar, what's the problem.

The good.........I am much thinner. I look pretty damn good and I can't wear hardly anything in my closet. Very exciting. It's great to look in the mirror and that feels great. Plus, I consume no caffeine and I take very little insulin, no drugs, and basically have abstained from alcohol for 52 of the 53 days. (It was my anniversary after all!) So that part is good to go. I feel good, my attitude is good. Life is good.

The bad.........There is very little variation allowed in my diet. I can eat the vegan chili at the Lovin Spoonfuls in Tucson. THANK GOD FOR THAT!! I can have eggs, even though I don't want them, and they don't raise my blood sugar, and I can have grapefruit, blackberries, and blueberries in small quantities. BUT I cannot have much of anything else that isn't raw vegetables and those few fruits. For example, I can have about four strawberries, and that's it. I cannot have brown rice, even though it's low on the glycemic index. I cannot have any raw food snacks that contain figs, raisins, bananas or anything of that order. I cannot have raw, that's right, raw granola with almond milk even though almonds and granola are "allowed" on the raw food diet. I am exercising at least an hour and a half 5 days a week with little exception and it hasn't lowered my blood sugar one bit. Plus, I lost a bunch of weight, and contrary to my doctor's opinions, it hasn't helped me a bit in the blood sugar department.

The ugly.......During this experimentation phase I have worked hard at being a human guinea pig and trying things to see what can be tolerated. Therefore I have had to take insulin here and there to keep my blood sugar lower when I try something that doesn't fly. IT beats taking it six times a day, but it sucks because I can tell you right now I do not want to eat raw forever. I surely do not. Nor do I want to take insulin every single day of my frickin' life either. ARGH! So tonight, not knowing how things would be, I bought some gluten free bread and thought I'd give it a try. The squares of bread couldn't be 4 inches square, more like 3 1/2 and I had some soy turkey with a salad with oil and vinegar. Well, the blood sugar was off the chart. SO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!!!! UGH! Talk about defeating. That is the single most debilitating feeling when you work so damn hard and have blood sugar in the 300's.

So this pity party is this......I am going to have to eat only raw, only raw if I want to not take insulin. This does not seem like a permanent option to me. I never have any inclination to go back to meat or dairy, etc., nor do I want to eat sugar or caffeine or any of the other things that I used to suck down. I just would be happy being a vegan for cripes sake. And that's a vegan with no grains. NO WHEAT!!!!!!!!! NO pasta, no rice, no bread...... so what the hell? I'm eating the best I ever have in my entire life. In 53 days I have cheated 2 times. Once I ate vegan and once I had a few drinks for my anniversary. Come on, that's pretty damn good. AND still my body betrays me...............................I am crestfallen. DO not worry. I have no intention of stopping, but I must seriously consider that there may be insulin in my life if I want to eat anything besides raw food. For the rest of my life. And that is a heavy burden to me. Please, if you have comments, suggestions, thoughts. Throw me a bone. I need the help.

I do not know what is for dinner........you guess.