The good.........I am much thinner. I look pretty damn good and I can't wear hardly anything in my closet. Very exciting. It's great to look in the mirror and that feels great. Plus, I consume no caffeine and I take very little insulin, no drugs, and basically have abstained from alcohol for 52 of the 53 days. (It was my anniversary after all!) So that part is good to go. I feel good, my attitude is good. Life is good.
The bad.........There is very little variation allowed in my diet. I can eat the vegan chili at the Lovin Spoonfuls in Tucson. THANK GOD FOR THAT!! I can have eggs, even though I don't want them, and they don't raise my blood sugar, and I can have grapefruit, blackberries, and blueberries in small quantities. BUT I cannot have much of anything else that isn't raw vegetables and those few fruits. For example, I can have about four strawberries, and that's it. I cannot have brown rice, even though it's low on the glycemic index. I cannot have any raw food snacks that contain figs, raisins, bananas or anything of that order. I cannot have raw, that's right, raw granola with almond milk even though almonds and granola are "allowed" on the raw food diet. I am exercising at least an hour and a half 5 days a week with little exception and it hasn't lowered my blood sugar one bit. Plus, I lost a bunch of weight, and contrary to my doctor's opinions, it hasn't helped me a bit in the blood sugar department.
The ugly.......During this experimentation phase I have worked hard at being a human guinea pig and trying things to see what can be tolerated. Therefore I have had to take insulin here and there to keep my blood sugar lower when I try something that doesn't fly. IT beats taking it six times a day, but it sucks because I can tell you right now I do not want to eat raw forever. I surely do not. Nor do I want to take insulin every single day of my frickin' life either. ARGH! So tonight, not knowing how things would be, I bought some gluten free bread and thought I'd give it a try. The squares of bread couldn't be 4 inches square, more like 3 1/2 and I had some soy turkey with a salad with oil and vinegar. Well, the blood sugar was off the chart. SO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!!!! UGH! Talk about defeating. That is the single most debilitating feeling when you work so damn hard and have blood sugar in the 300's.
So this pity party is this......I am going to have to eat only raw, only raw if I want to not take insulin. This does not seem like a permanent option to me. I never have any inclination to go back to meat or dairy, etc., nor do I want to eat sugar or caffeine or any of the other things that I used to suck down. I just would be happy being a vegan for cripes sake. And that's a vegan with no grains. NO WHEAT!!!!!!!!! NO pasta, no rice, no bread...... so what the hell? I'm eating the best I ever have in my entire life. In 53 days I have cheated 2 times. Once I ate vegan and once I had a few drinks for my anniversary. Come on, that's pretty damn good. AND still my body betrays me...............................I am crestfallen. DO not worry. I have no intention of stopping, but I must seriously consider that there may be insulin in my life if I want to eat anything besides raw food. For the rest of my life. And that is a heavy burden to me. Please, if you have comments, suggestions, thoughts. Throw me a bone. I need the help.
I do not know what is for dinner........you guess.
Is there a middle that you can embrace? Like: Mostly raw, with a few goodies to make life worth living, and a little insulin to balance it - even if it's for forever? Another way to say (look at) it, is: I found a way I can happily eat for the rest of my life, SO LONG AS I can have goodies now and then, and I only have to take insulin once in a while instead of SIX TIMES A DAY!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Lilo...
ReplyDeleteObviously you will have to find a way to be.
Be happy, fulfilled, satisfied and as healthy as possible. Unfortunately, only YOU can do that. I (and no one else who isn't you) cannot possibly imagine what it is like to have to choose between insulin the rest of your life (and what are the consequences of that?) and eating in a way that makes life (how much?) less enjoyable. Only you can truly feel how worthwile or not your life is if you can only eat this one certain, very limited, way.
I bet this will take lots and lots of soul searching.
Using insulin is acceptable to you how often? Never, once a week, once a month?
Can you totally predict when you would need to use it? Can it be a separate choice to eat whatever,combined with insulin, every single time it comes up? How does that influence your joy-in-life-scale, to have to make the decision every single time you "cheat"? Or could you say to yourself you'll only do that for special occasions? Is that a slippery slope?
Sometimes life does stink, it does. And still, it is better than not having it at all, isn't it?
I'm not much help. I can't be, I think. Though if you want to come over for tea next week and talk, that would make me happy!
Would it help for you to go talk with a psychologist type person or a personal coach or something about this issue? Becasue it seems to be about making the right decision for you and sometimes a professional type can be of help with that.
I think of you frequently. And I brag about you to people you don't even know. So you are making a change in more lives than only yours (and your family's).
Love you!
How discouraging for you Lilo! But don't get too down yet. You have had diabetes for a long time. I really think that you can get off of insulin AND eat more variety, just not yet. Your body probably just needs more time to heal. Trust me I KNOW how long 50+ days can be when you have boring food ( or no food)! It is forever. But when you look back at how many years of illness and poor eating choices are behind you, 50 days isn't so much. Not in the big picture. Also you have other health issues that are probably trying to resolve themselves too. Your body is working hard to heal, it just needs time. It would probably be worth doing more research and digging deeper, to see if anyone else who has tried this diet for Diabetes experienced the same problem. Maybe they have some insight or helpful tips.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started my 40 day fast, I had very high (and unrealistic) hopes of being a completely healed person by the end of it. I really wanted to believe that and some of what I read even made me feel that it could be possible. Somewhere after the 20th day, I realized that 40 days wasn't going to be enough. Not even close. I had too many years of damage to undo. It was a bit depressing really. Fasting kinda sucks. But it also helped me develop a new game plan and commit to adjusting my expectations. I knew that I couldn't do more than 40 days. Not because of any physical reason, but mentally I couldn't endure for longer. So I decided to do a series of shorter fasts over the next 6 mo. and a once a week fast every week. It is going to take a long time and extend my "suffering", but I believe it will eventually get me where I want to be and I can still enjoy life in between. At the end of the 6 mo. I might find that I need to go another 6 mo. I really hope not, but the possibility is there.
Perhaps you could do something similar? Maybe decide to use a little insulin for a month, so that you could have a month of eating vegan, and then a month of strict raw. Or 20 days on and 20 days off. Or every other week? I admit, I don't know how insulin works and maybe you couldn't do something like that at all. Just a suggestion. Also, maybe some cleanses and/ or veggie juice fasting periodically could help speed the healing up. There is also the possibility that you could be over-exercising. That can aggravate things too. I know that you don't come home and sit on your bum for the rest of the day.
You are doing so great Lilo! Just keep it up for a bit longer. I really don't think you will have to do such a strict diet for the rest of your life, but it could take 6 mo. or even 18 mo. It is a long time, especially when you are living it day to day, but I know that you can do it. You have already seen so many positives come out of your 53 days, it really is amazing. Just focus on that and how much you have accomplished. Sorry this is so long.
Love ya,
Cheryl