What You REALLY Don't Want To Hear

Well, it's been a long time to get to this point. I look back and it still feels and looks unreal to me. As always, I have much to say, so I'll get right to it.

So far I have lost over 40lbs. That's a lot since I wasn't exactly a whale before, or so I thought. I've looked at a bunch of pictures and I was much tubbier than I realized. Sad to say, but true. I don't remember being that fat, but I guess I surely was. Now I am thin.... for me. By other people's standards, I'd be just average, but I have never been this thin, nor worn clothes this small in my entire adult life. So for me, I'm thin.

This has created quite the stir among my friends and family. As you can imagine, I get asked all the time "how did I do it!?" There is only one small problem with that question and the answer is........ YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! That's correct. People ask, but they don't really want to know. They don't want to hear that I'm vegan. That is dismissed as impossible for them. And frankly, one doesn't need to become vegan to lose weight, although if you know what they do to your meat why you would eat it anyway is beyond me, but I digress. So most people dismiss my advice instantaneously once I tell them that I am now a vegan.

To make matters worse, I tell them that I go to the gym for a minimum of an hour and a half five times a week, plus I do HaganaH, (yes capital H at the end), which is Israeli hand to hand fighting three times a week at night. I get up at 5:30 or earlier, am at the gym by 6:30 at the latest and leave at 8:00. Last week I clocked over 15 miles on the treadmill. The week before that I did 20. I lift for thirty minutes and then I do the ski machine, or the treadmill for a minimum of an hour. Most days I go an hour and 15 minutes.

Now here's the sad part. I STILL cannot eat "whatever I want" and I have to watch everything that goes into my mouth. I live on pecans, tofu, black beans, wild rice, quinoa, muesli, almond milk, yes... salad although it takes a lot for me to want to eat one these days, and spelt. I eat about 90% organic, except when I go out and half the time I go to a vegan restaurant. I rarely drink caffeine, and only in tea. I consume NO ARTIFICIAL sweeteners of any kind. I don't eat wheat. I eat only spelt bread or flax seed bread and it has to be the 8 bucks a loaf health food kind that's organic. And then it's only once or twice a week. I eat no dairy of any kind.

For those of you that think that is a pretty restrictive way to live, look at it this way. I am alive! I no longer have major heel pain. (At one time I was up for surgery to lengthen my Achilles Heel as the pain was so bad I needed crutches. Thank you artificial sugar. The minute I stopped consuming diet soda, it went away!) I have tons of energy. More than people half my age. I am the oldest woman in HaganaH, and one of the oldest people in there period. Plus, I am now sparring with people much bigger than myself and keeping up! Mostly men! My skin has improved greatly, although the sagging skin from weight loss is a drag. Honesty here! I rarely get sick, I almost never have a headache or sinus issues that I was plagued with before, and I look pretty darn good. Not to mention my blood sugar is down, way down and I only take a maximum of 10 units a day, down from 120. So not bad.

So..... you didn't really want to hear that, did you?? It's like Dr. Laura says, it's not rocket science. Eat less, move more. And in my case, eat a LOT less and move a LOT more. I have always had the metabolism that would make me the last man standing in a famine! If I were a horse I'd be an easy keeper. And although I would love to eat chocolate and pasta, and bread, and, and, and everyday of my life, it's not worth it. Food has become something I enjoy, but not the end all or be all of my existance. I gotta say that fitting into a size eight is a lot more fun than a candy bar. Not to mention the looks I get when I wear my more form fitting clothes.

So to all those people who ask me, "how did you do it"? Don't ask unless you REALLY want to know. Because frankly, I really don't want to see that blank look on your face and hear all those crappy excuses you come up with on why you can't do it. If I can do it, anyone can. I was the biggest food lover on the planet!!! But there came a time where food started killing me, and I guess I just wanted to live more.

It's true that I have become the "ex smoker". I look around and wonder why more people don't make the effort, especially young people. And I'll tell you this, I was one of those people. Because I had friends who would tell me all about their successes, cause I asked, and I really didn't want to hear it. SO I sympathize.

Any of those of you out there who really want to make a change and would like some encouragement, please feel free to email me at liloredhead@yahoo.com But don't ask, unless you want to hear it!!!

Successes, Struggles, and just plain Shitty

Ok, so I go for the drama, but I've just about had it today. Maybe not a good day to blog, but thought this would make more interesting reading than just.... all is well and perfect with my world writing. Diabetes SUCKS! SO MUCH! I am so so so so so tired of Diabetes, you just have no idea.

On to the story.... well, I've been doing vegan now for about, let's see, three months or so. And three months of raw food before that, for a total of six months life change. I have hardly cheated at all, and when I have it's been planned like Las Vegas buffet, the Carnival Cruise, my birthday, etc. And even then I only had red meat once! ONCE!!!! For me, this is nothing short of a miracle. So why am I whining?? I've lost tons of weight. I can wear most all size 10's, the smallest I have been in my entire life. I can wear a lot of 8's. Unbelievable! The ta tas will still not let me wear much less than a 12 on top, but who's complaining. Thankfully, I still have boobs. So what's the frickin problem, you ask?? BLOOD SUGAR!

My blood sugar is making me nuts. I cannot, and I repeat, I cannot eat ONE TINY LITTLE SINGLE THING that isn't perfect, or.... you guessed it... HIGH FRICKIN BLOOD SUGAR! And to top it off, I have had two bad spells with low blood sugar from taking too much insulin in the last three days. I mean, diabetic coma bad. I'm talking, almost passing out, incoherent, thank GOD for my daughter, low blood sugar. What the hell? There is no formula for carbs eaten, calories burned, exercise done, quantity eaten, etc., that will give me a formula to follow regarding insulin delivery. I am always, always screwing it up. Either too high or too low. And the American Diabetes Assoc. is a joke! If I followed their advice, I'd be dead for sure.

On top of that, I'm here to tell you the doctors are liars! They swore up and down that if I lost weight and exercised my blood sugar would improve. BULLSHIT I say. I've lost a small child, I work out at the gym for an hour and a half FIVE DAYS A WEEK, AND then I do Haganah, (Israeli hand to hand combat), three times a week. COME ON! What more could I do? I avoid sugar, bread, all dairy, red meat, chicken, turkey, pork, no wheat! GOOD GOD! What else is there? And it became evident that I could not sustain raw food forever. Vegan I can do no problem. In fact, I highly recommend watching Eating (http://www.amazon.com/Eating-3rd-Mike-Anderson/dp/B001CRQ8K6), and the other excellent documentary Food, Inc. That way, even if you don't want to be vegan, you can at least know what they do to your food.

So the short of it is this. If I eat vegan, which I have been able to maintain, I only need about 10-20 units per day. Much better than 120. But even then, I have to very much limit my intake and be super careful not to eat things that I know raise my blood sugar even though they are vegan. I have to work out like a scalded bat from hell. I do feel that 8 times a week should be enough. I have to watch every single thing I put in my mouth and even then, I screw up and end up practically putting myself into a diabetic coma by giving myself too much insulin, or not giving myself enough insulin and having too high blood sugar. IS there NO MIDDLE GROUND?

I know this is a terribly whiny blog, but I just am really enjoying my pity party. I did this mostly to myself, so I'm willing to face the consequences of my earlier life's actions. Or lack of action. But damn, is there no break here? That's where the shitty part comes in. I'm doing everything, everything right, and even though I have greatly reduced my insulin need, AND lost tons of weight, am an exercise machine and super toned and muscular, wear the smallest clothes I have ever worn in my ENTIRE LIFE, I STILL, still have to take bloody insulin. And that to me, is just SHIT!

Almost three months

I'm done counting the days. Frankly I lost count! But I know it's been awhile. There's lots to tell. Read on.

Bill and I went on a cruise with my sister and her husband and that became and interesting experience for my food adventure. While the cruise was just ok, the exercise in self control taught me a lot about myself and food. I told myself that I would have anything I wanted on one night, and that for my birthday I could indulge. So out of eight days, I basically said that I could splurge twice. And I almost made that.

I must admit that I did have alcohol three times, and I did have some chocolate covered strawberries more than twice, but hell, I really think that's pretty amazing considering all the food and alcohol around me. Thankfully there was a lot of great salad stuff and an Indian bar that served hummus and lentil chips and that pretty much saved my bacon. Plus, there is nothing like looking around and seeing 300 pound 20 year olds in bikinis with their belly button pierced to motivate one to stay true to themselves.

Amazingly enough, the night that I splurged taught me the most. Eating whatever I want has now become something that my body cannot tolerate. I had steak, I had bread, I had a few drinks, I had desert, and then I had a bucket in front of my face while I puked for the rest of the night. SO NOT FUN! The combination was just way too much and I spent most of the night on the deck paying for it. That really sends a clear message to me and has made it even easier to avoid the things I should avoid.

A few notes on the cruise.... If you enjoy being around polluted people that are so overweight that they need scooters to get around, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you enjoy seeing 300 pounders stuffing themselves at every single opportunity, you will love a Carnival Cruise. If you are inclined to lay around and do absolutely nothing, because there is nothing to do, you will love cruising. If third world countries that are so dangerous that your life is at risk and the police need to escort you back to the boat, you will LOVE a Carnival Cruise. I can't say that I did. Don't get me wrong, I had fun with Bill and my sister and her husband and that was AWESOME! But the cruise itself gets a 6. Bill gets a 9 .5!

So what are the numbers you ask.....

Sadly, they are not that great. I have been eating more vegan and less raw and it shows. I seriously cannot deviate from raw at all, and very restricted raw at that, if I want anywhere near normal blood sugar levels. Yes, they are much improved, and I only need insulin a few times a week, but they are far from normal. I fear if I don't want to eat raw forever, which I can assure you I don't, then I am stuck with insulin and vegan. I also want to add that I have given up sugar, caffeine, dairy, wheat, and rice. No bread, no pasta, no rice. Plus, consume no alcohol except on very special occasions like my birthday and the cruise, for example. Add to that working out about 3 miles a day on the treadmill with an 8 percent incline, 45 minutes of weight lifting, FIVE TIMES A WEEK, plus my usual gardening, riding, etc., and that's a lot of sacrifice. Even with all that..... I have not achieved normal blood sugar without insulin.

I have to admit I feel a bit discouraged. The thing that has kept my chin up is that I bought another size 10 shorts the other day. Although they are surely tight, I can fit into any normal size 12 bottom. (I fear the top of me will always be a large. Thank GOD FOR BOOBS! SO no worries there.) I am fit, tanned, and can out energy almost anyone I know. I feel fine and have lost many of the annoying health issues I had before. No more pain in the joints, no more sleepless nights, no more headaches, or bowel issues. So that is all good. Now if only the diabetes would notice my huge efforts. Sigh. I remain, a vegan, a raw foodie most of the time, and most certainly healthy as this diabetic can be.....

Guess..............

The good, the bad, and the ugly

I do not think that I could be more disgusted right this very second. It is now day 53 and although I am much thinner, my blood sugar is not so great. I admit that I have been eating less raw and more vegan, a person has to live, and that is obviously not going to happen if I want to be permanently off insulin. Slowly but surely I have been experimenting with new food. I have not eaten any meat, dairy or grain, with the exception of Dawn and I going out to a vegan restaurant in Phoenix. There I had brown rice and vegan carrot cake. But I have had some vegan food here and there. After all, I figured that as long as it does not raise my blood sugar, what's the problem.

The good.........I am much thinner. I look pretty damn good and I can't wear hardly anything in my closet. Very exciting. It's great to look in the mirror and that feels great. Plus, I consume no caffeine and I take very little insulin, no drugs, and basically have abstained from alcohol for 52 of the 53 days. (It was my anniversary after all!) So that part is good to go. I feel good, my attitude is good. Life is good.

The bad.........There is very little variation allowed in my diet. I can eat the vegan chili at the Lovin Spoonfuls in Tucson. THANK GOD FOR THAT!! I can have eggs, even though I don't want them, and they don't raise my blood sugar, and I can have grapefruit, blackberries, and blueberries in small quantities. BUT I cannot have much of anything else that isn't raw vegetables and those few fruits. For example, I can have about four strawberries, and that's it. I cannot have brown rice, even though it's low on the glycemic index. I cannot have any raw food snacks that contain figs, raisins, bananas or anything of that order. I cannot have raw, that's right, raw granola with almond milk even though almonds and granola are "allowed" on the raw food diet. I am exercising at least an hour and a half 5 days a week with little exception and it hasn't lowered my blood sugar one bit. Plus, I lost a bunch of weight, and contrary to my doctor's opinions, it hasn't helped me a bit in the blood sugar department.

The ugly.......During this experimentation phase I have worked hard at being a human guinea pig and trying things to see what can be tolerated. Therefore I have had to take insulin here and there to keep my blood sugar lower when I try something that doesn't fly. IT beats taking it six times a day, but it sucks because I can tell you right now I do not want to eat raw forever. I surely do not. Nor do I want to take insulin every single day of my frickin' life either. ARGH! So tonight, not knowing how things would be, I bought some gluten free bread and thought I'd give it a try. The squares of bread couldn't be 4 inches square, more like 3 1/2 and I had some soy turkey with a salad with oil and vinegar. Well, the blood sugar was off the chart. SO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!!!! UGH! Talk about defeating. That is the single most debilitating feeling when you work so damn hard and have blood sugar in the 300's.

So this pity party is this......I am going to have to eat only raw, only raw if I want to not take insulin. This does not seem like a permanent option to me. I never have any inclination to go back to meat or dairy, etc., nor do I want to eat sugar or caffeine or any of the other things that I used to suck down. I just would be happy being a vegan for cripes sake. And that's a vegan with no grains. NO WHEAT!!!!!!!!! NO pasta, no rice, no bread...... so what the hell? I'm eating the best I ever have in my entire life. In 53 days I have cheated 2 times. Once I ate vegan and once I had a few drinks for my anniversary. Come on, that's pretty damn good. AND still my body betrays me...............................I am crestfallen. DO not worry. I have no intention of stopping, but I must seriously consider that there may be insulin in my life if I want to eat anything besides raw food. For the rest of my life. And that is a heavy burden to me. Please, if you have comments, suggestions, thoughts. Throw me a bone. I need the help.

I do not know what is for dinner........you guess.

Day 38 and fruit comes into my life!!!!!

Singing!! I am singing! Fruit! Thank GOD! I am eating fruit! Hold on to your seats, yes, it's true, I actually ate blueberries and blackberries and my blood sugar was under 120!! Yessirreeey. That's what I'm talking about.

So I went to the Earth Day Celebration at the Farmer's Market on Saturday and there they were. Blue, round, beautiful and delicious blueberries. Could I chance it? What would happen? Would I blow it all on some delightfully sinful blue delectables?? Worth the risk, I thought. Grabbing the berries and paying an astronomical price, I stuffed them into my bag and prayed I wasn't making a huge mistake.

As I ate almost the entire box of them, I patiently waited the two hours to see what the results would be and beat the band, NORMAL BLOOD SUGAR!!! YES! Talk about thrilling. Then I went to Sybelle's party and, God forbid, ate blackberries. Again, as soon as I got home I got out the blood monitor and........119! Can it be? Can it possibly be that I my blood sugar is normalizing?

When I began this the raw food adventure, I guess I never really realized how much I would have to focus on myself. All this exercising, all this testing, all the worry over what I eat, all the reading and certainly, up until now I have been completely and totally unaccustomed to thinking about myself and my health with this kind of intensity. I do hope that I will not have to continue on in this manner forever and that there will come a time when I am able to be more relaxed and natural about food. But it has been an adventure, that's for sure.

On another note, I ate my first hot food in 36 days the other day in Tucson. As you can imagine, I've pretty much had it with eating only raw/cold food. Chloe and I went to a vegan restaurant and I broke down and had vegan chili. Now for those of you wagging your finger, that isn't cheating. The definition of a raw food diet is 80% raw. So obviously with this being the first hot thing I'd eaten in 36 days, I think I have filled the 80% quota. You have absolutely no idea how wonderful that tasted. I am planning on having something hot/cooked about once a week now and see how that goes. In my food bible, once I have stable blood sugar, I can have some hot food as long as it is vegan. I live for it.

Well that's all the news that's fit to print. Wish it were more exciting. But if you are into the adventures of a wild red headed woman and her path to self healing, I guess this makes for ok reading. Until next time...........

Guess what's for dinner? (Now you don't know, because I can have fruit! YEA HAW!)

Day 29..........

I continue on! Yes, I made the Day 21 and made it off insulin. The bad news being that I had to go back on insulin, only 8 units, for about another week until again, I am completely off. You can't beat that with a stick, huh?? I ended up eating that heavenly grapefruit, and it was heaven, and my blood sugar went way up. But I ate other stuff with it, so I ended up eating the other half the other day, and guess what?!? Nothing! No bad reactions. I was so impressed!

Now I have gone down a full dress size, so that's pretty neat, and I can wear all my skinny clothes. (Honestly, I don't have that many skinny clothes, but the few I have kept for a long, long, long time all fit! Hee, hee!) Not that I am anywhere near skinny, but at least I am down some and it feels great to have that reward.

Being brave enough to have grapefruit, I feel like in the next week or so I will branch out to berries. I dearly love them, and with the grapefruit success, I think I will be fine. For the party tonight, THANK YOU MARTHA, I found a fabulous salad I am bringing and no one will be the wiser. Mango, pear, cucumber, and radish salad dressed with lime juice and agave nectar. Really excellent. No one will have a clue that it's vegan raw, and I will have something wonderful to eat! Unfortunately, I am pretty boring with food, although I did find a recipe for mushroom burgers, raw of course, and they were totally delicious. Dr. Cousens doesn't like mushrooms, buy hey, I can't be perfect. And they do not raise blood sugar. I have to live a little, don't you think?

Most days I eat a lot of tomatoes and not near enough greens. I have found them to be almost repulsive. My garden is thriving, so soon I will have super fresh lettuce and that ought to help me quite a bit. Thank GOD for the juicer as I put a bunch of greens in the juicer, along with the tomatoes, and make a fabulous homemade V-8. Love it. Looks awful. Tastes divine. I love V-8 anyway, so it's an easy one for me to drink down.

So I'm going to a party tonight and would love a glass of wine, but I am going to abstain as I feel it is too early in the game to be heading in that direction. I've done so well.......

Here are the numbers.......waking in the 150's. Still too high, but hell, no insulin, so no complaining. I've had after meal numbers from 119 to 160. All under 180 which seems to be the magic number for diabetics. Next goal is to get the morning down to 100 or under, and the afters consistently under 120. My doctor is going to shit when I tell him I'm taking nothing and have these numbers. It really does feel like an accomplishment. I know he'll never say I'm cured, but if I can keep this up for a year or so, maybe I'll never have to ever take anything again and just control it through diet. That is the goal.......

So on I go...... continuing forward......

Guess what's for dinner?

Day 22.... Now what?

More of the same. That's what! Nothing exciting, but some time this weekend I am going to have a grapefruit. I live for it. I will pick a time that my blood sugar is "normal" and see what the effect is. If it encourages me to have high blood sugar then obviously I won't be doing that again. But I am going to try it. I had hummus the other day and that didn't seem to hurt me. It's "allowed" but I had not ventured into the hummus world for fear I would goof things up.

I have discovered I am not a huge green fan. I like lettuce and spinach fine, but that's about it. I need to branch out. I have pulled out lots of raw food recipes and made a bunch of stuff, but it's not all that different tasting since it's all pretty much the sos. No complaints, but I need some different tastes, and fruit can be a life saver for me right now.

Having little to say, I'll make this one short and I'll check back in with more interesting comment. I am somewhat in a coma right now, it's early, and my brain is toast. TOAST? Did someone say toast?? Sigh.............

Guess what's for breakfast?